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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Countdown to Christmas: Reason Number Eight to Buy The Servant of the Manthycore

So where are we? I think it is the "Three calling birds" day, right? Anyway, I wanted to let those of you who have already purchased my book, The Servant of the Manthycore (available through the link below, of course) that although your purchase is greatly appreciated, it is simply not enough. Did you go through your High School yearbook and insist that each person there buy a copy? Why not? Its not like you risk them never talking to you again. At your next reunion they will still have to read your name tag in order to pretend convincingly to be happy to see you even though they have absolutely no memory of you.

Some of you have also mentioned that my implying that my readers might still live in their mother's basement a little mean and unfair, and they are correct. It is mean and unfair, so get a job, slacker! The advantages to all will be immediate and profound. You will have a renewed self-respect, your Mom will be able to air out your old basement room and finally be able to get rid of that old gym sock and Hai Karate Aftershave odor that so disturbs her bridge club,and I will see yet another copy of my book sold, because you will finally have the coin to buy it. See? Everyone wins!

So how does this have anything to do with today's installment of Countdown to Christmas? Well today we are going to show the self-esteem and relationship-building advantages to owning a copy or two of The Servant of the Manthycore. (Available by making a few simple clicks through the link below!)

Countdown to Christmas: Reason Number Eight to Buy The Servant of the Manthycore: It will improve your confidence, posture and attractiveness to the opposite sex.

How can this be? Good that you ask, because the path to enlightenment begins with a single question, or something like that. Those who were surveyed found that reading The Servant of the Manthycore improved their confidence, some to the point of delusion. Because of the absolute certainty that no matter how much they messed up, they were never going to be fed to the Manthycore, unless they traveled back to bronze age Mesopotamia and annoyed a short, scarred woman with no sense of humor. Knowing that made 87% of readers less afraid of the dark, 76% less afraid around scarred women with no sense of humor (unless it was their ex-wife) and a whopping 91% less afraid of dating people of any sort that would possibly consider dating them. Strangely, it did nothing to abate the fear of clowns, the fear of red socks, or the fear of Rachel Ray, but those are for another book.

More confidence means better posture, of course. No longer having to scan the sidewalks looking for manthycore tracks means that those who have read The Servant of the Manthycore can lift their heads high in the full knowledge that even if they are hit by a bus in the next 15 minutes, they at least will not end up as the digestive end-product of a mythical beast.

And let me tell you, brothers and sisters, next to scars and just behind a Maserati GT with snakeskin upholstery, the opposite sex digs a person with confidence-- the confidence that comes from knowing you purchased The Servant of the Manthycore, read and enjoyed it, and went out and bought copies for your entire family, even Uncle Rodney who every Christmas shows up pickled and manages to find a new hard-to-find place to barf. Because that is just the sort of person you are!

*Tomorrow-- Countdown to Christmas: Reason Number Seven to Buy my Book: Peace on Earth, Baby!

Buy The Servant of the Manthycore!

1 comment:

Howard von Darkmoor said...

Clever, Michael, clever ;)